Hidden Drugs

Lately, well ever since elementary school, I have heard that you should never eat weird candy. Whether it was offered by a stranger or if it was found in a random corner I was told to not eat it. "Zac", they said, "If you eat that candy something very bad will happen".

Today during Sunday school, Kaleb aka K-shizzle, Jenny aka J-sista found a box of mints. Deciding that they wanted the mints they took them and ate some of them. I tried to tell them that strange candy found in a strange room in the "Depths of Hell" isn't good to eat. They wouldn't listen. Over and over they tried to make me try one. "Everybody is doing it" they said. Well I refused. I wouldn't succumb. But they continued to eat them. I warned them again and again that they shouldn't eat them, but it was too late, they were addicted. Finally I convinced Jenny to hand me the box of mints. I knew I couldn't let them continue to eat the mints, but I didn't know what to do. That's when I decided I needed to sacrifice myself for my brother and sister. Before they could stop me I consumed somewhere between 20-40 mints. Not more than 5 minutes later I was looking at the mint box, when I saw it. The mints had an expiration date that read Nov. 5 2006. Needless to say I have a hard time remembering what ensued after the consumption. But I do say by sacrificing my taste buds and smell for the next two weeks, I saved the lives of my siblings.

Fall Love Signs

Today I happened upon a gem. I was at Allens grocery store checking out, when I saw it. It was a little book called Fall Love Signs. I felt an overwhelming urge to spend the dollar to get help with my love life. This is what it said about me.

"Scorpio's smoldering sensuality is a magnet for many, and few can resist your sign's intensity. However, only those who know you well discover your somewhat hidden side, a sensitivity that reaches the depths of your Pluto-ruled soul". So far it is all true.
"This passionate planet is one of ultimate devotion, but it also can spark possessiveness and jealousy. With Neptune guiding your love life through Pisces, you're a sentimental romantic who remembers every milestone from a first kiss to an anniversary".
This next part is my favorite.
" You also know instinctively how to charm a date and effortlessly choose just the right setting for romance". I'd really like to meet that part of myself.

"When you're ready to settle down, you commit heart and soul to the one you love with all the affection of Venus-ruled Taurus, your partnership sign, sensible and sensual. For you, love truly is for a lifetime. fall brings many opportunities to meet people and launch a romantic liaison, especially during the second solar period when three planets are in your sign".

Well it is quite an interesting forecast if you ask me. Mostly the part about knowing how to charm and date effortlessly. I would have to say I can see the perfect moments, but it is completely different acting on them. Anyways, that is my love forecast for last fall (the downfall of buying at Allens, most things are expired).

Semitruck From Hell

The other day I was driving on the freeway towards Salt Lake City Utah. I was minding my own business, singing along to the killers song "All these things I've done", when I had an eerie feeling creep from the tips of my toes, all the way past my nose. Looking in the my rear view mirror I saw him. The semi was flying up from behind. Unfortunately I had nowhere to move. Within seconds the semi was tailgating me like a fly stuck to a wall.
"Get off my Butt", I yelled out loud. Unfortunately the trucker couldn't hear me over the roar of his engine. He continued to tailgate me. Eventually a spot in the lane next me opened up. I decided to move over so this jerk of a trucker could pass. For some strange reason (maybe he was blind, it would explain a lot) the semi didn't move past. Instead he merged into my lane again, to continue his favorite past time, tailgating innocent drivers. Biting back my anger I decided to wait it out. It couldn't continue forever right? Wrong. After a few more minutes of getting tailgated, I decided to change back to my original lane. Being the trucker from Hell, he decided to change lanes as well. There was no escaping his grasp. If I sped up, he sped up. If I slowed down, he slowed down. If I moved over, he moved over. I knew my death was imminent. My short life, that had so much more that needed to be accomplished, started to replay itself. Just before I rolled over and died, a bump in the road shook me from my comatose state. I had to live! I had way too much I still had to accomplish in life. With that thought, I decided to try and let him pass again. As I moved over the truck began to speed up. I did it. Relief swept through my body. When he pulled alongside of me I yelled, "good riddance you jerk". To my horror the trucker must have heard me. His forward velocity stalled. He was now blocking the lane next to me. That is when I realized his plan. It is my belief that when he saw that I might escape his wrath, he used his radio to call in back up. He blocked the lane to my left, and another semi blocked the lane in front of me. I was boxed in. I could only imagine the look of triumph on this devil truckers face. It must have been so smug. I think it was the smugness on his face (I may have imagined it, but it seemed real enough) that got to me. I was not going to give up. I would escape and I'd shove it in his face when I did it. First I sped up. Both he and his compatriot sped up with me. The bait was set, any minute now he would try and end it all. Checking to make sure the traffic behind was far enough away, I hit the breaks. If I had hit the breaks a second slower I never would have made it. Right as I hit my breaks the devil trucker merged over. He would have crushed my car, and my life. Fortunately he barely missed running me off the road. Looking at the back of his truck I noticed a little sticker. The sticker said, "I believe in safety first". Before the trucker could react to my brilliant escape, I switched lanes and accelerated past him and his compatriot.

Death and/or Glory

Since High School I have had the privilege of knowing some of the finest, and best friends a lad could have. Many people look at my friends and myself and believe us to be eccentric, crazy, and sometimes immature. My response to those people is, AMEN!. That would describe us. All that is needed are a few more definitions. Such as: Ultra-competitive, creative, strange, and belligerent. One of our self given names was, and is, the Provo Pirates. In the book Seafaring Lore & Legend by Peter D. Jeans, a definition of pirate is given: The Latin pirata is from the Greek peirates, peirao, attempt, assault- thus pirate, synonym for vice, cruelty and plunder, one who marauds and pillages. This would best describe us when we play games together, or when we compete. As a group or crew, we have had many wonderful adventures. Too many to really go into detail about.

Throughout these adventures my friends have taught me a lot. Foremost in my mind is that you never wave the white flag. Surrender is out of the question. Time and time again I find myself applying this lesson to my life. When I'm torn down from above, set upon by fiery monkeys, and beaten with a stick, I remember this line from a song by Dido, "I will go down with this ship. And I won't put my hands up and surrender. There will be no white flag above my door".

My rambunctious friends, that are often thought of as crazy, strange, and sometimes downright dangerous, taught me one of the most important lessons of my life. I will not surrender, I will go down with my ship, fighting to the very end.

Ultimate Sledding

Christmas is a time for:
family, friends, snow, remembering Jesus Christ, and riding a canoe down a snow covered slope.

Growth

He huddled alone in the sweat tent . The ceremony was coming to a close. Memories of a good life flowed before his closed eyes. From a very young age he knew this day would come. He was leaving the life of a boy behind, hopefully, if he survived, he'd become a man. One of the village elders entered the small tent. The Elder squatted nearby studying the boys face. When the Elder was satisfied he said, "it's time". Startled from his meditation, the boy opened his eyes. The Elder stood and walked out of the tent. Taking a deep breath the boy stepped out of the tent into the bright light. The whole village was waiting. They stood around the hut whispering in clusters. Just ahead on the path the Elder waited patiently. With a wave of his arm he beckoned the boy to continue down the path. He tried to act stoic as he marched through the village. As he passed a group of girls they began giggling, his face turned bright red. He followed the path out of the village and into the woods. At first it stayed level, but eventually the path grew steeper. After a while the boy found himself at the top of a cliff. He stood on the edge, and looked down. Far below was village he had left, along with his childhood. The cliff was covered in jagged cold rocks. This was his final step to becoming a man. With a grin he stepped off the cliff.

The air flew passed his face, whispering of an end. Suddenly a falcon swooped in to land on his back. It dug it's claws into his flesh. A large chunk of his back tore free. The boy cried out in pain. Then another bird appeared. Again it latched onto his back, and again it tore off a piece of flesh. Bird after bird swooped in, and tore a piece of flesh from the falling boy.

The villagers stood at the base of the cliff waiting to see if the boy had failed in his preparation. 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 20 minutes passed by. There was no sign of the boy. With a loud cough the village Elder drew the attention of the villagers away from the cliff. He was standing outside the sweat tent once more. He reached towards it and pulled up the flap. Hundreds of birds burst from the tent. Inside they found the body of an unconscious man.

Freedom-exemption from external control, interference, regulation, etc.

Lately I've found myself becoming more and more frustrated. I feel restrained. My problem is not so much needing to realize that I am stuck. My problem is trying to escape the box. If I was a magician my magic went terrible awry. It is a feeling of being stuck in a small, dark box, just large enough to fit, but every corner is filled with my fleshy body. The oxygen is running out, and I can't escape. I plan and plan, but buying a motorcycle and riding it to Mexico would only give me temporary freedom. Eventually I would find myself in an even smaller box. I've thought of transversing the globe on my own two feet, but it would be lonely. I'm afraid this magician has lost his magic. Sometimes I feel like the only thing I can do is take a deep breath....... and let it out. Maybe if I am patient for a long enough period of time, breathing slowly..........I'll eventually find my magic again.