Ode to Nutella

This was a poem written by Kpup and myself.

Ode to Nutella

Creamy brown, sufficient to turn my frown upside down.
Thou art a divine creation, not subject to my malignation.
Oh how my addiction howls for consumption of your quintessence.
Oh nutella
Oh nutella
I need you nutella
When your jar is empty, my upside down frown turns back around.
Without Your sugars my jowls recede, leaving me quite healthy.
I come to indulge my palatial desires, upon thy Heavenly substance.
I peak in the cupboard hoping to find thee, but thou art gone! On the counter I search, on the floor, in the fridge, but you have evaded me. Eventually I find thee, Open and scrapped bare next to a pair of dirty underwear, in the garbage.
Nutella!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Gnome

The following poem was inspired by William Blake's poem called, "The Lamb".

The Gnome
Little gnome who made thee?
Dost thou know who made thee?
Gave thee life and bid thee feed,
By the stream and o'er the mead;
Tweedy clothing neon bright;
Gave thee such a scruffy voice,
Making all the vales rejoice!
Little gnome who made thee?
Dost thou know who made thee?
Little gnome I'll tell thee,
Little gnome I'll tell thee!
It was not thy parents who made thee
Indeed it was a factory in Malaysia that made thee.
They are cheap and super efficient
I a human and thou a gnome,
We are not called by the same name,
Little gnome god bless thee
Little gnome god bless thee.

It Has Been Figured Out!

What inspires us to create? The other day I was inspired by a commercial for bottled water. The first time I saw the commercial it was absurd. The next time it became interesting. The third time it was inspiring. After watching the commercial over and over again, I decided to create my interpretation of the commercial.
These are a few words that represent my project and the commercial I saw:
Freedom
Conform
Bizarre
Conventional
Harmony
Estranged

A Mischievous Tortoise

A little bit of background: My grandpa has been told by the doctor that he can't/shouldn't drive. His muscles are slowly deteriorating and he is less capable of moving his foot from one petal to the next. One time his foot got stuck on the gas and he hit a post in a parking lot. My siblings and I don't ride with him when he drives. One of the last times I did ride with him, he sped up for every red light, then slammed on the brakes. That was a few years ago before the doctor told him to stop driving.

On this lovely afternoon my cousin and I found ourselves sitting in the back of my grandparents vehicle. The sun was beating down, and it was hot! Grandpa, who was sitting in the passenger seat, slowly stood up. Using the car as support he looked at the front door, checking for grandma. Then he looked back at us and smiled. Again he peaked over the top of the car checking for grandma. She was nowhere in sight. Moving as fast as he could and looking like an old tortoise, he made his way around the car. As he got to the driver side door he checked for grandma again. She still was nowhere to be seen. He opened the door and sat down in the driver's seat and started the car. Why he even had keys to grandma's car I don't know, but he did and they worked. I looked over at my cousin and closed my door. Grandpa closed his door too. Shortly after my grandpa closed the door he put the car into reverse and started backing up. My cousin decided to close his door too. When we reached the end of the drive way grandpa stopped the car. Then he put it in drive. I looked over at my cousin and shrugged my shoulders. Then I put on my seat belt. Very slowly we inched forward, but instead of returning to the previous spot, grandpa turned the steering wheel. We were headed out onto the grass of their front yard. My cousin started snickering. I felt like snickering too, but I could just picture the car smashing into one of their many trees. As we drove into the yard grandma came out the front door.
"Al what are you doing?" she shrieked.
"Hearing Aids," he yelled back.
"What are you doing? You aren't insured," she yelled.
"I need my hearing aids," he yelled.
"That's convenient," grandma said under her breadth. "What are you doing on the lawn?" she asked.
"Oh, I was just giving the boys some shade. They looked hot," he replied.
I couldn't take it any longer. Both my cousin and I started laughing. Luckily grandpa couldn't hear us. He didn't have his hearing aids. Grandma was too worried about grandpa in the drivers seat to notice.

whoosh!

To my friends, associates, family, and the odd person who happens upon my blog:

I ate the Easter Bunny.
My Sandwich ate me.
I climbed to the top of the world but didn't yell.
Yard work fulfilled my desires.
Yes meant, I hate you.
No meant, I hate you more.
Anger turned to fear.
Fear turned to a mirror.
My soul went on a break from my body.
It became a super-tramp, and a mountain man.
My body got stuck in Provo.
Inside I'm so twisted, it is amazing that I survive.
I restrain 90% of my thoughts.
Telepathy controlled my mind.
When I slept, I flew.
Dark corridors gave me comfort.
The edge called my name.
The sun tore through my brain.
Leaving me in a puddle of rain.
The edge called my name.
I tried to refrain.
Sometimes I'm 100% insane.
I danced with a wolf.
He tore out my throat.
Like I was a billy goat.
My freedom shrank, and it stank.
I need to break free.
Free like a flying tree.

A Magical Malady

It wasn't the largest track or the prettiest. In fact it was quite ordinary for a slick track. Even with it's imperfections, at that moment, for me, it was perfect. A slight breeze ruffled my hair as I climbed into the cockpit of my go-cart.
I leaned over my left shoulder I addressed my competition, " K-bear, you don't stand a chance. I'm going to wipe you all over the track".
He replied, "Z diddy, the only thing that is going to be wiped is your corpse after I smash you".
I laughed and strapped my safety harness across my chest. The official began speaking. First I zoned out the official, then the crowd, then my opponent. This was my moment, the only thing that mattered was my own performance. My lungs paused and my heart lurched to a stop. Time stood still. Then the light turned green. My foot hit the gas and I sped around the track. Somehow K-bear got ahead and claimed the inside. I swerved in behind him, using his cart to draft. Around and around we went. A bump here, a bump there, but I couldn't weasel my way by. Then it appeared. K-bear swerved out just far enough. I sped forward. Realizing his mistake he tried to cut me off. I swerved into his cart, sending him into the wall.
Swerving around the carnage, I laughed aloud, "Serves you right. You can't touch this!"
Knowing the race was over I began to coast around the track. It wasn't nearly as much fun alone. As K-bear caught up I let him pass. Then we began to swerve back and forth. The wind was flowing through my hair, my brother was driving next to me, and we both were having a blast. The only thing that could improve the moment was a U-turn. So without further adieu I whipped around and drove in the opposite direction. As K-bear came around again, I whipped out another U-turn and pulled up behind him. What started as a hard-core race, finished as a hard-core laugh.

A Monster Mayhem

"What's up Joe?" said the three year old boy as we drove up.
"Not a lot, is your daddy home?" Joe replied, as he got out of the truck. Leaving Kaleb sitting luxuriously in the front seat while I was crammed in the back seat. Back seat might be a little too nice. It really was half the size of of small, very small, bath tub with a few seat belts. The only way someone my size could fit was by laying horizontal across the seats.
"I'll only be a minute or two," Joe told Kaleb and I. Knowing that Joe's minutes tended to be a little bit longer than 60 seconds I let out a moan.
"What was that?" asked the little boy now only fifteen feet from our small Toyota truck.
"Oh it is my monster," Kaleb responded.
"A monster?" the boy repeated incredulously as he tried to peer through the tinted glass.
"Yep I caught him the other day," Kaleb continued.
"How did you catch him?" the boy asked.
" I caught him in a bush. First I threw out some Haggis. Do you know what Haggis is?" Kaleb asked.
"No," replied the boy.
"It is something that people like to eat in Scotland. Haggis is sheep guts," Kaleb said.
"Where do you get sheep guts?" the boy asked.
"From a dead sheep," Kaleb answered.
Looking quizzical the boy asked, "Why would you want sheep guts?"
"To catch a monster named Zaccis,"Kaleb responded.
"Is that your monsters name?" asked the boy
"Yep," Kaleb said.
"The monster you caught in a bush?" asked the boy.
"Yep," Kaleb responded.
"Is that his foot next to your head," the boy asked.
"Yep," Kaleb replied as he smacked my foot.
"What does your monster like to eat?" asked the boy.
Slightly widening his eyes, Kaleb responded, "little boys wearing blue shorts, gray tee-shirts and with green eyes".
"And haggis?" asked the boy.
"Yep," Kaleb said.
"My eyes are green," said the boy.
"And your shorts are blue, you better be careful. My Zaccis might eat you," Kaleb said.
"Why?" asked the boy.
"Because he's hungry" Kaleb replied.
I decided it was time to add in another moan, "GREEEEaAAAAAAAOOOOOn".
"Can I see him?"the boy asked.
"He sounds hungry," Kaleb warned.
"I'm not scared," the boy bravely responded as he thrust out his chest to show his courage.
Kaleb helped the little boy climb into the truck.
"That isn't a monster!" the boy said. "That is a human".
"No it's a monster, and be careful you don't get too close he'll eat you!" Kaleb warned.
Like most little boys at age of three he ignored Kaleb and poked my foot.
I roared, "AGARAAAAAA" and ate the little boy.